Saturday, July 9, 2011

What would your 1000th birthday look like?

OK, so some science nerd with an appropriately nerdy name has claimed that it will be feasible to live for 1000 years within the next few generations. Lets examine some of the pros and cons shall we?

By way of some magical shit stirring in the genetics lab, the theory says that as years go, the numbers would tick over, but you could just go and get some genes replaced and, hey presto - you'll be boogieing with the 450 year olds in no time.

No throwing hips out, no arthritis creams needed, no hearing aids required. Great if you work in the pensioners cruise industry, but not so great if you rely on the aches and pains of others for a living.

At the ripe old age of 35 - I have at least another 30 years of slaving away before I can look forward to retirement. Imagine if the average life span did stretch that far......... could you see yourself in your job for 700 years? I can expect my kids to be under my roof for at least 20-30 years - no way they are staying till they're 397!

Hopefully the smart science type people have also invented instant travel by this time, we would have the time to visit all the places, and do all the things that get pushed aside whilst dealing with everyday life.

Get off my turf biatch!

There is, however a disclaimer from Mr Nerd - and I will quote him here -
"These numbers are guesses, of course, but they're guided by the rate at which the young die these days.
If you are a reasonably risk-aware teenager today in an affluent, non-violent neighbourhood, you have a risk of dying in the next year of well under one in 1,000, which means that if you stayed that way forever you would have a 50/50 chance of living to over 1,000."

Um, EXCUSE ME? You show me a risk aware teenager and I will show you the Tooth Fairies tits. Oh,  you also have to have the right amount of bling to cut it - so if any of these kids are living to 1000, you'll find them all in the Beverly Hills Hotel ordering prune cocktails.

Birthday parties would be hilarious - anyone over 632 would be required to notify the fire authorities for the blowing out of the candles on the cake, and there are only so many years you can wait for the relos to 'move on' for any chance at an inheritance!

You can examine all the ins and outs HERE, but let me just  say that if the trade off for living to 1000 is to look like the guy in the picture - I think I'll PASS!

** Image from
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