I want a holiday. There, I've said it out in the open. I don't mean a family trip away where for me it would be a case of 'same shit, different view out the window'.
I mean a holiday just for me; a getaway where I can get up whatever time I want, do whatever activity takes my fancy and just put my feet up and RELAX...... The great thing about my hubby is he has absolutely no problem with that; but I do.
I have this gnawing guilt that for me to be able to take a few days off, everybody else is put out - whether it be hubby having to take time off work (which I'm sure he wouldn't mind) or me having to ask someone else to fill my Saturday shift at work. The thought of asking my Mum to do anymore child care than she already does has my mind shouting at me "it's all too hard, just forget it." My brain is ticking over with thoughts like;
* These are my kids, this is my family, I have the responsibility of looking after them.
* Am I admitting weakness/failure, or am I selfish because I need extended 'me time' I should be content with the amount I already get.
It's not that I don't trust others to look after things for a couple of days, it's that I don't think they should have to, my hubby says no one will mind if I take a day or two, but how would I enjoy it when I feel I shouldn't be away?